


Inevitable

by literalfuckinggarbage



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Canon Compliant, Essek Thelyss Has a Crush, Essek Thelyss Needs a Hug, First Kiss, Introspection, M/M, POV Essek Thelyss, Touch-Starved Essek Thelyss, Widogast's Nascent Nein-Sided Tower, background m9 - Freeform, but he's a dumbass, but its super vague, fatalistic af, gratuitous space metaphors, hopefully, i think???, if Essek never sees the tower I'll cry, no beta we die like men, spoilers for the eiselcross arc probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 15:27:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30124872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literalfuckinggarbage/pseuds/literalfuckinggarbage
Summary: Looking around at the Mighty Nein, Essek felt more emotion resting in his heart than he had in over a hundred years. This year had been the most harrowing of his life, but he couldn’t say he regretted meeting them.They had taken his hand and dragged him out of hell.It was only fitting for them to drag him right back into another.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 173





	Inevitable

Caleb’s tower was spectacular.

Essek was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of detail found anywhere he turned his head. In another place, he might have considered it gaudy, but every aspect was carefully crafted to perfectly suit one of Caleb’s friends.

His friends.

They had made a point to welcome him back, since he was risking his life for them. Or risking his life for the sake of the world not ending. He wasn’t sure exactly which was more important to him. Looking around at the Mighty Nein, Essek felt more emotion resting in his heart than he had in over a hundred years. This year had been the most harrowing of his life, but he couldn’t say he regretted meeting them.

They had taken his hand and dragged him out of hell.

It was only fitting for them to drag him right back into another.

Yet the atmosphere wasn’t melancholic. There was a manic kind of energy as Caleb’s cats produced bottle after bottle of Lionett brand wine. Beau was sprawled across Yasha’s lap. Jester had hooked her arm around Fjord and was essentially using the half orc as a pillow while he drank wine and she had cup after cup of hot cocoa, drunk on sugar and giggles.

About an hour ago Jester had called Veth “schwasted,” so Essek wasn’t exactly sure of the correct label for her level of intoxication now. Caduceus was carefully mumbling prayers over the group, staving off hangovers and making sure everyone was well fed while they tried to forget what it was they were doing tomorrow.

Caleb was sitting beside him on one of the plush couches, drinking a stein of something that looked remarkably Zemnian.

They’d all eaten like kings, thanks to Caleb’s spell and the ingenuity of the tower.

Essek took a long sip of the wine that bore Beauregard’s family name.

It wasn’t fair.

These were practically children, only one past their first century, and they were going to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of a world that didn’t even know their names.

Most of these people had _families._

Families who might never see them again.

Veth had a _child._

Would Luc grow up without a mother? Would he grow up having to hear about how she was some unsung hero that died saving the world?

Or would they fail? Would Luc even get a chance to grow up?

He didn’t know if Caleb had family that would miss him, other than the Nein. Essek had always assumed not, given the somber look whenever someone mentioned family in a certain way.

But even if the world didn’t realize in the way it should, the loss of Caleb Widogast would be an astronomical one.

The man’s brain was unparalleled. Essek still couldn’t believe he’d reverse engineered his gravity sinkhole spell after viewing it once. If they could have studied the beacons together, or quite frankly anything, they could have made history. They could have unraveled arcane mysteries lost to the ages.

It was a waste.

Essek had developed many of his own spells, but he’d taken a hundred years to come into his talents. He was still seen as young in the Dynasty. Hells, he _was_ young. Who knows what they could have created together?

Who knows what they could have done with more time?

As the evening stretched on, the conversations grew thinner. Beau and Yasha were the first to retire, ignoring the catcalls and hoots from Jester and Veth.

Veth curled up on a fainting couch near the fireplace in the room and Caleb had sent a few cats to pull a warm blanket over her shoulders.

Next, Fjord and Jester made their leave, Caduceus deciding to walk up with them to his quarters.

Essek didn’t really register their departures, just mumbling pleasantries as they were yawned in his direction. He did realize that he was effectively alone with Caleb and a sleeping Veth when Caleb said, “I know you don’t sleep quite like we do, but I did make quarters for you.”

“Of course,” Essek said quietly, not wanting to disturb Veth, though it looked like even a rampaging owlbear couldn’t wake her at this rate.

Still, he silently followed Caleb out of the Salon and towards his bedchamber.

“If you wouldn’t mind, there is something I’d like to show you, at the top of the tower.”

He blinked, looking over at Caleb, who was pointedly looking up and not at Essek. “If you’d like. You’re correct about my sleeping habits, though I do worry about yours.” Humans were so fragile. They lived such fast, harsh lives, needing lots of sleep and care along the way.

“I think this is worth setting out a few minutes later, perhaps. I can also almost guarantee that some of the party members aren’t actually sleeping yet.”

Essek flushed at the thought, still unused to such brazen displays of affection. The propriety of the Dens was so foreign to this absolute warmth, even in the blistering cold of Eiselcross. Caleb extended a hand, though it was unnecessary, leading him to the central chamber so they could ascend through the tower. The warmth of the Nein was nothing in comparison to the heat of Caleb’s hands. The man was fire personified. A sun, with the rest of the world in his orbit.

A beautiful star that didn’t deserve to be snuffed out.

They rose up and up in the tower until Caleb mumbled some Zemnian under his breath and brought them through the now open ceiling, even higher than it seemed. Passing through a small chamber with nine doors, they arrived at the ninth floor.

A sharp intake of breath was surely audible across the room, even if Caleb hadn’t been at his side, but Essek couldn’t help himself. Even when they were back on solid ground, Caleb didn’t release his hand, squeezing it gently.

“I do regret not studying it further. It haunts me a bit,” he said, looking around the room. “Clearly.”

“I can’t say I feel differently,” Essek breathed, still taken in by the sea of stars spread out before him, versions of himself visible along the walls. Echos of himself, copies from pasts, futures he might never see, extending out into this seemingly infinite space. But it wasn’t infinite. It wasn’t really a beacon. It was all an illusion, and probably small enough that ten paces could take him from wall to wall.

It was everything and it didn’t feel like enough, all at once.

Caleb’s hand remained in his, a tether to this world, this world he had caused more harm in than good. Against his skin Essek could feel the calluses that came from holding a quill or pen too tightly, numerous scars and pockmarks from travel, and that undeniable heat. It was like he had fire running through his very veins.

Still not looking at Essek, he said, “We might die tomorrow.”

Essek didn’t have it in him to feign optimism. “We might.”

“There are many things I did not get the chance to do.”

One deep breath. At least he wasn’t alone in his melancholic thoughts. “Your loss would be a devastating one to the arcane community, even if they never realized.”

“And yours, my friend.”

The casual way Caleb called Essek a friend, called him _“my_ friend,” stuck his protests in his throat. Perhaps he could have done great things.

Perhaps, with Caleb by his side they could have done great things.

“Together,” Caleb squeezed his hand once more, “we could have bent reality to our will.”

The breath that left Essek’s chest shuddered more than he would have liked it to. “It has been an absolute honor to work with you. To know your friendship.” He bit his tongue on how he hadn’t deserved a lick of it. This space seemed scared, for all he didn’t believe in the Luxon. He believed in Caleb.

“I regret a great many things in my life,” Caleb turned to face him, as if he could read his thoughts, “but I don’t regret befriending you.”

Essek turned too, spellbound into silence by the determined expression on Caleb’s face.

Caleb took a deep, grounding breath himself before going on, “There are many things I will not be able to make up for, and many things I will regret not doing before I die. I don’t want this to be one of them.”

Essek was trapped, caught in the orbit of Caleb’s blinding sun. The man who dragged him into the sunlight, now dragging him closer and closing any distance between them.

The lips against his were warm and wind chapped, and every swirling worry left Essek’s brain in a rush. There was only the gravitational pull of the two of them, inevitably crashing together after spending months dancing around their collision course, pretending they would miss each other by a hair the whole while.

They were nothing but celestial bodies, shining bright in this room of stars and possibilities.

His other hand found the lapel of Caleb’s coat and pulled him impossibly closer, feeling a hunger inside him that he hadn’t felt in decades. When they parted, panting and flushed, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face as Caleb gently pressed their foreheads together, keeping that connection between them.

Essek felt that tether between them, the possibilities, the hope that they had worked on together with Fortune’s Favor, closing his eyes and basking in the moment. 

“I suppose that’s one less regret for us both then.”


End file.
